Saturday, January 7, 2012

There was a small town that was overrun by wild squirrels...

From Diary of a Wimpy Catholic:

There was a small town that was overrun by wild squirrels. The town leaders had a meeting to decide how to get rid of them. First, the Lutheran pastor spoke and said that his church was prepared to round up all of the squirrels, take them out to the country, and admonish them for their frivolity. The pastor was certain that the squirrels would not return. The Lutheran congregation did as they promised, but, the next day the squirrels were all back and wreaking havoc in the town. Next, the town rabbi offered to round up the squirrels, take them out to the country, and, make them feel guilty for the problems they caused. He was sure that the squirrels would not return. The rabbi did as he said, but, the next day the squirrels returned and were even more bold and destructive. Finally, the Catholic priest offered to round up the squirrels, take them out to the country and make them all members of his parish. The priest did as he said, and now the squirrels only come back to the town on Easter and Christmas.

10 comments:

  1. Such a serious post deserves a serious response...
    I got to thinking, Doc....
    Good thing they sent those guys and not THESE guys.
    Just imagine!?

    "Then the Atheist from the town square said he could depress the squirrels so much they would develope a drug habit, develop sexual ticks and move to the big city to protest the mice and rats. But after a while it became apparent the Atheist was in the city himself, and the Squirrels came goose-stepping back stronger than ever not having been destroyed!

    or

    "Then the town Imam was sent. He said he could make the Squirrels submit to Sharia law and forbid them from re entering town. Unfortunately he was 'nutted' (stones not their style) to death by an angry mob of squirrels armed with chestnuts who accused him of apostasy for wearing a digital watch.
    The extremist (ie non moderate) Islamo-rodents even posted the horrific video on you tube with demands of the towns surrender...."

    Better they become NPC Squirrels in the end.

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  2. After the squirrels’ problem was solved, the Catholic priest, the Lutheran pastor and the rabbi got together and started discussing how they split their faithful weekly offerings between them and God.

    The Catholic priest said he would draw a circle on the ground, throw the offerings in the air and all those offerings falling in the circle he would give to God.

    The Lutheran pastor said he drew a square on the ground, throw the offerings in the air and all those falling outside the square he gave to God.

    The rabbi said he didn’t draw any figure on the ground but gave to God all those offerings that stayed up after he had thrown them in the air.

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  3. Good job Pepe. Nice to see you are Christian enough to make a slur against Jews. Every time you post you expose just a little bit more of your true personality as an ignorant bigot.

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  4. @anon:

    That joke was my best friend's favorite joke when I was a kid.

    He was Jewish. He had a repertoire of great Jewish jokes. So did my best friend in college, who was Jewish and who told holocaust jokes that I will never repeat. So did my Jewish roommate in college, and my Jewish friends in med school, and my Jewish colleagues at work, and my Jewish in-laws.

    One of the real charms of Jewish culture is a self-deprecating sense of humor.

    Ya know, the kind of humor that atheists have. Not.

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  5. @anon
    Here is a joke for you.

    A Christian, a Moslem and an atheist take bets on who will stay longer in a pigsty. The Christian enters the pigsty and after 5 minutes he comes out saying he cannot stand the stench anymore. The Moslem takes his turn and after 6 minutes comes out for really needed fresh air. The atheist enters the pigsty and after 1 minute the pigs come out!

    I do hope your face does not crack when you laugh!

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  6. Michael,

    It's OK to tell anti-group jokes, provided you're a member of the group. That said, I thought the joke about the 3 ministers of religion throwing the offerings into the air to decide which proportion their god gets very funny. The rabbi showed the most intelligent plan to ensure that none of the money got wasted on the fictional character. I don't think it was actually selfdepracatory.

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  7. @bach
    The rabbi showed the most intelligent plan to ensure that none of the money got wasted on the fictional character.

    I am happy that you got the gist of the joke unlike some other atheist.

    But the rabbi did not believe God was a fictional character but that He was Pure Spirit and worldly things did not matter to Him.

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  8. Here's a joke that should please atheists!

    A woman has two female parakeets that really have foul language. When someone enters their room, the female parakeets always say: We are prostitutes, do you want to have fun?

    To solve this problem, the woman goes to see the parish priest for advice. He tells her that he has two male parakeets that he has trained to be very religious and say Hail Mary all day long. He advises the woman to bring her female parakeets to him so his parakeets can influence them to be more religious.

    The next day the woman brings her parakeets who say, as always: We are prostitutes, do you want to have fun? On hearing this one of the priest parakeet says to the other: Stop praying! Our wish is granted!

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  9. One of the real charms of Jewish culture is a self-deprecating sense of humor.

    Yes. Self-depreciating. But that's a nuance I'm sure is lost on you.

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  10. @anon
    Self-deprecating: conscious of your own shortcomings.

    Self-depreciating: what atheists think non atheists do all the time.

    Ah! The importance of the letter "I"!

    ReplyDelete