Planned Parenthood to increase abortions today to celebrate summer solstice

(Dissociated Press. June 21, 2011) Planned Parenthood USA announced a program to increase abortions on the first day of summer and the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere.

"We have much to be thankful for" announced Henry Moloch, executive director of the nation's largest abortion provider. Congressional Democrats, led by President Obama, Senate leader Harry Reid and House speaker leader Nancy Pelosi, recently averted Republican plans to eliminate three hundred thirty million dollars in federal funding for the abortion giant.

"This first day of summer is a very special day for us, and a time to be grateful for the good news the Fates have sent us." noted Moloch, who spoke to a gathering of reporters in his Washington office. "We asked our providers to celebrate this wonderful holiday in a manner that respects the ancient traditions of reproductive choice."

Planned Parenthood officials suggested that certain local affiliates make a special point of celebrating the longest day of the year and the day when the moon's axial tilt is most inclined to the sun. Graham Kleagle, Planned Parenthood director for Mississippi, announced that clinics in Mississippi have offered discounts for minority women, noting that women of color 'never had reproductive freedom under slavery. We're trying to make up for that.' Kleagle noted that Planned Parenthood clinics are located disproportionately in minority neighborhoods, and that the abortion rate for black children exceeds that for white children by at least three-fold. 'We are sensitive to the deprivations of liberty that minority women have faced in America. Reproductive freedom is a basic right, especially for the oppressed and the poor. We have always been committed to reproductive freedom for non-white Americans.'

Planned Parenthood officials also suggested that local clinics consider other festive motifs for the summer solstice. Some clinics are decorating operating tables to resemble stone slabs, and a clinic in Atlanta has installed stone steps leading to the operating room. Several clinics in San Francisco have had receptionists dressed as temple prostitutes, and a provider in Kansas dressed as Mithra.

Amid the celebration, Mr. Moloch warns the clinics to take ordinary precautions and not let the spirit of the season get out of hand. For example, Moloch notes, decorating the disposal incinerators as paper-mache volcanoes is a fire risk. 'We recommend a fiber-glass volcano motiff, to ensure that there are no adult deaths in our facilites.'