New Study: Aliens Could Attack to Stop Global Warming
As Allahpundit says, "It's come to this." I'm not sure what's worse, taxpayers funding a CDC warning and emergency preparedness plan for a zombie apocolyse, or this:
A team of American researchers have produced a range of scenarios in which aliens could attack the earth, and curiously, one revolves around climate change.
They speculate that extraterrestrial environmentalists could be so appalled by our planet-polluting ways that they view us as a threat to the intergalactic ecosystem and decide to destroy us.I'd be more concerned if aliens read the Global warming-aliens paper. That might be a genuine reason to stomp on us. No intelligent life here.
The thought-provoking scenario is one of many envisaged in a joint study by Penn State and the NASA Planetary Science Division, entitled "Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis."
The study is indeed thought-provoking. It has provoked thoughts such as:
1) 'Why are we paying for this sh*t?'
2) 'Why do we let crazy people publish in science journals?'
3) 'If I see one of the authors walking toward me, should I walk, or should I run, to the other side of the street?'
It divides projected close encounters into "neutral," those that cause mankind "unintentional harm" and, more worryingly, those in which aliens do us "intentional harm."Not bad for speculation about something for which there is not a shred of evidence. One is just as justified in publishing a paper about 'Etiquette in e-mail correspondence with Garden Fairies' or 'Negotiation strategies with the Sandworms of Dune'.
Extraterrestrial intelligence (ETI) "could attack and kill us, enslave us, or potentially even eat us. ETI could attack us out of selfishness or out of a more altruistic desire to protect the galaxy from us. We might be a threat to the galaxy just as we are a threat to our home planet," it warns.Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the authors' speculation is that aliens have exactly the same concerns as... a trio of lefty-green scientist assh*les. Who knew that aliens are... are... liberals. Just like climate scientists! Convergent evolution. I would add that space aliens may also express concerns about Rick Perry's exaggerated economic record in Texas. And aliens seriously hate Sarah Palin.
Perhaps the wisest strategy to protect ourselves from liberal environmentalist aliens is to encourage more batsh*t scientific papers about the global warming apocalypse. When I was in college in New York City (during the crime wave of the 1970's), some of my friends planned to act crazy if they saw someone who looked like a mugger, on the theory that even people prone to assaulting you are likely to leave you alone if they think you are crazy. We should engrave this whack-job paper on a Carl Sagan-type plaque and blast it into space. My hunch is that aliens--even lefty green kook aliens-- would leave really crazy civilizations alone. We could dodge the apocalypse by convincing an alien menace that we were all liberals.
One such scenario is the stuff of many a Hollywood blockbuster, a "standard fight-to-win conflict: a war of the worlds." But another might resonate more with fans of Al Gore's documentary film "An Inconvenient truth."Maybe Gore can interest fans in investing in his new AAMSHF (Anti-Alien Military Defense Hedge Fund), available by formal prospectus only. He's made hundreds of millions off hawking AGW scam investments. Time to move on to other pastures.
It speculates that aliens, worried we might inflict the damage done to our own planet on others, might "seek to preemptively destroy our civilization in order to protect other civilizations from us."We should offer Al Gore as a sacrifice. Maybe it will placate them.
Apparently, the study was conducted with a scientist affiliated with NASA, but is not sponsored or produced by NASA itself.
NASA is involved in its own AGW scamming, but hasn't formally diversified to AGW-SETI scamming just yet.
This stuff is easy to satirize, but it is a window into science, circa 2011. The public's reaction should be straightforward:
No individual who had anything to do with this cr*p 'science' should ever again have any funding from any public source. All three authors should be fired for publishing gross pseudoscience, the journal editors should be fired and driven out of science, as should the reviewers.
If these jerks want to push their b.s. materialist-atheist-nature religion, they can do it on their own dime. Maybe they can get grants from the Church of Scientology. Scientologists could give global warming kooks personal assurances from Xenu that there will be no alien attack.
The people who push this garbage are hucksters and frauds, and taxpayers should cut them loose.