Thursday, April 18, 2013

In time of crisis, President reaches out to old friend for information

"Bill, it's Barry. Have you been watchin' the news?"

(Dissociated Press) With the nation reeling from horrendous terrorist bombings in Boston, President Obama knew whom to call first. Not the FBI director, not the Homeland Security Director, not the CIA director...

"I needed someone I could trust-- someone I knew well-- who was an expert on terrorist bombings." said the President, speaking to reporters gathered in the Oval Office for a news briefing. "So I reached out to a guy with a lot of experience setting off bombs intended for the public-- my first campaign bundler and Hyde Park buddy, 'Bombin Bill' Ayers."

The President grinned. "You might say that Bill was surprised to hear from me. Since 2007 he's been sorta' in the deep freeze. But we go back a long way. Decades. We worked together on boards, hit the party circuit together. He was my first campaign contributor-- threw my first fundraiser in his living room. Got me started in... um... public service. It was good to hear his voice. We talked for 15 minutes. He filled me in on all the latest bomb technology-- how to make shrapnel from nails, how to maximize the kill radius, how glass is invisible to x-rays, all that "Old-Time Bomber" stuff. I felt like I was back in his living room again, talking politics, jokin' about Semtex, scarfin' hors d' oeuvres"

"Billy is a real help in the investigation" the President said, with a wink. "It's nice to have connections".

The President smiled, thanked reporters, and strolled out of the Oval Office.

                                                                        ***

Following the news briefing, Press Secretary Jay Carney released a transcript of the President's chat with his old friend.

[Begin Transcript]


Ring... ring... ring...

Hello...

Hey Bill, ya ol dog! Guess who? Been doing any "pressure cookin" lately?

Barry! That you, man? Long time no see. Since 2007 man.

Hey. Sorry about the chill. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Fox was all over me.

It's copesthetic, man. I understand. What's up?

Got any ideas on this B-town blastin?

Shit, man, these dudes are amateurs. Amateurs. Only three bourgeois killed? C'mon, I mean, the bomb we detonated in Greenwich Village in 1970 killed three of my closest dudes-- includin' my roomate and my girlfriend-- and we was just puttin' it together! We had a frackin bomb factory dude-- a 37-mm antitank shell, 57 sticks of dynamite, four 12-inch pipe bombs packed with dynamite, 30 blasting caps, timing devices rigged from alarm clocks, maps of the tunnel network underneath Columbia University, dynamite wrapped in tape with nails embedded to act as shrapnel. If we'd popped that bourgeois-buster where we planned-- at a graduation dance for young soldiers and their dates at Fort Dix-- we'd have killed scores of little Eichmanns. It was full of nails and ball bearings and scrap metal and all kinds of good shit. I mean, we killed as many of ourselves accidently as these losers in B-town killed on purpose! Amateurs. 

What kind of bomb-making experience did these Boston guys have? Any clues there?

Gimme a break, Barry. I mean, these B-town boys ain't got no street experience. Bernadette and I set off seventy two bombs-- New York City Police headquarters, the U.S. Capitol, the Pentagon, the U.S. State Department, the Haymarket police monument in Chicago, Chicago police cars, Marin County Courthouse, Long Island City Courthouse, Department of Corrections in San Francisco, Department of Corrections in Albany, 103rd precinct New York police headquarters, Harvard Center for International Affairs, MIT Research Center, draft and recruiting centers, ROTC buldings, ITT Latin America Headquarters, National Guard Headquarters in Washington, Presidio Army Base and MP station, San Francisco, and the Federal Offices of Health, Education, and Welfare in San Francisco. 
And, man, I feel we didn't do enough!

I forgot it was that many.

Hey, dude, you and me talked about it at the 4th of July party at my house in 2005. Don't you remember from all the news reports about you and me from the election campaign? ...Haa haa, haa, just kidding!  I guess all those background checks are for guns, not presidents. 

Heh. Do ya think we're gonna catch em, Bill?

Hope so, Barry! Columbia's got some faculty openings. Ha!

You always crack me up, Bill. Give my best to Bernadette, comrade. She was always a little firecracker!

Michelle too, Barry. KaBOOM! And don't be such a stranger. Remember: ya ain't got no reelection to worry about now. Come on over to Hyde Park, sometime. It'll be like old times. Hors d'oeuvres, jokin' about prilled ammonium nitrate and fuel oil, back slappin', lots of cash. Say hi to the old terrorists! 
Don't waste all your post-election flexibility on Mendeleev!

 [End Transcript]


38 comments:

  1. hoo will not be pleased. it makes him mad when you point out that the president's friend is a terrorist. terrorism is so cool when lefties do it!

    naidoo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hoo is a stubborn know-nothing who refuses to accept basic facts and never gives a straight answer to a straight question. He is not a rational man. Talking to him is like talking to a wall.

      Joey

      Delete
    2. naidoo,

      I couldn't care less about egnor's stupid attempts to smear the President with guilt by association. Conservatives tried that in the 2008 elections and it only rattled the walls of their echo chamber. They tried it in 2012 again, with the same results. Egnor's rants have no effect whatsoever beyond pushing your switches.

      What pisses me off this time is egnor's shameless use of the Boston tragedy to produce his silly "satires." He begins a post with a dedication to a young victim only to quickly switch to a political rant against the Democrats in general and the President in particular. 2 paragraphs about the poor boy, followed by 8 paragraphs of stupid shit against Obama. I can't imagine why such insensitivity doesn't rankle any of you.

      It's not about political disagreements. Its about human decency. Egnor seems to have completely lost it, and you, guys, just egg him on. Go on, do that. It looks bad.

      Hoo

      Delete
    3. hoo, his satires are poignant and funny. i once asked you if it bothered you that the president's friend is a terrorist and you never bothered to respond. could you please?

      naidoo

      Delete
    4. naidoo,

      You can understand from my writings easily that guilt by association does not impress me. And I can understand from yours that you have low decency standards. We can both learn!

      Hoo

      Delete
    5. @Hoo:

      "guilt by association does not impress me"

      So you admit the association between the President and terrorists.

      You're just unimpressed.

      Delete
    6. Oh, I had a classmate who went to jail. Put me in the slammer.

      Hoo

      Delete
    7. @Hoo:

      The problem is that Ayers didn't go to jail, despite organizing scores of terrorist bombings and committing several murders.

      "Guilty as hell, free as a bird".

      Delete
    8. his satires are poignant and funny.

      You misspelled "boorish and clumsy".

      Delete
    9. you're actually misusing the term guilt by association. read more about it.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy

      now, can you please answer the question: are you bothered by the fact that the president's friend is a terrorist?

      naidoo

      Delete
    10. Guilt by association is to say something like, Bill Ayers is a terrorist, therefore Obama is a terrorist, which no one is actually saying. It's something different to say, Barack Obama shouldn't hang out with a terrorist.

      I think you would understand the difference if it were another politician you weren't so enamored with, and he was linked to another figure you actually found revolting. Say, Mitt Romney and David Duke for example. David Duke isn't even a good example becasue, racist loon that he is, he is not a terrorist. Still, I think you would be bothered by David Duke hosting Mitt Romney's first fundraiser in 1994, or having Mitt over for a BBQ, or calling him a "family friend" in the updated preface to his book after Romney swore up and down that they were not.

      But you're a hopeless partisan that will never stop defending "your side." I also suspect that you secretly harbor a sort of admiration for Ayers. Terrorist chic and all that.

      It's on days like 4/15 that we realize terrorism is not chic, and then we start to ask why our society rewards radical leftist terrorists from the 1970s with tenured positions at the university and book deals. Calm down, Hoo.

      Little John

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    11. Imagine, for example, if Romney's first political fundraiser had been hosted by Eric Rudolph, who actually was a serial bomber, although less prolific and less lethal than Ayers. Then imagine if Romney had attended the Westboro Baptist Church for 20 years. And imagine if he had attributed 9-11 to a YouTube video.

      The double standard is breath-taking.

      Delete
  2. Egnor in confessional: Father, it seems pretty unlikely that atheists are responsible for the Boston bombing. This is going to reflect badly on fundy wackos like me. What should I do, father?

    Priest: First of all, you should suck a bit harder on my dick. Secondly, perhaps you should smear that nigger communist usurper in the white house to deflect some attention. Get some of the blame to stick on that black faggot and his communist buddies. That might play well with the tea party.

    Egnor: Excellent plan, Father. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not funny, Troy. You've never had a single thing to add to any conversation on this blog.

      And by the way, now who's constantly having homosexual fantasies? That's you. Closet queer.

      Joey

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    2. It's likely that he's a Muslim, unlike Jared Lee Loughner (atheist), James Holmes, (agnostic turned Mulsim in jail), Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris (both raving anti-Christian lunatics).

      Chris Dorner: "Problem is, I’m not a fucking Christian and that old book, made of fiction and limited non-fiction, called the bible, never once stated Jesus was called a nigger."

      Joey

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    3. You're not funny, Troy. You've never had a single thing to add to any conversation on this blog.

      His commentary is exactly as funny, satirical, and insightful as egnor's attempts at satire.

      Delete
    4. "His commentary is exactly as funny, satirical, and insightful as egnor's attempts at satire."

      Ouch, you have just been thrown under the bus , Troy.
      With Dr Egnor, mind you - but he is used to it.
      You seem to have finally crossed the line with your filth, and actually pissed off someone on your 'side'.
      Finally your slur laced bigotry has caught the attention of a fellow traveller. They, at least, find your presentation 'exactly as funny as egnor's attempts at satire'.
      That does not mean they think you are both hilarious.




      Delete
  3. I really wonder about the good doctor’s mental health. Watching his reaction to the marathon bombing degenerate into this prolonged, deranged, anti Obama fantasy is sad and pathetic. The poor doctor reminds me of the stereotypical crazy person ranting on the street. If you happen to see the doctor, try not to make eye contact, and cross the street to get around him. He’ll tire eventually.

    -KW

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    Replies
    1. Yea, KW, I'm a little unstable. I'm really pissed at terrorist bombers and their friends, which naturally brings to mind the President.

      Sick world, huh?

      Delete
    2. A little unstable? You are far too modest! You come across like a raving lunatic.

      Hoo

      Delete
    3. Telling the truth about the President is "raving lunacy"?

      It would seem to me that accepting the President's association with terrorists with equanimity is lunacy.

      Delete
    4. This guy is also certain that he is telling the truth. It doesn't mean that he is not a raving lunatic.

      Hoo

      Delete
    5. @Hoo:

      The guy's crazy. Climate scientists should conduct themselves with more decorum.

      Delete
    6. See, you can be both sincere and crazy. Pay a visit to a psychiatrist.

      Hoo

      Delete
    7. “Telling the truth about the President is "raving lunacy"?”

      Making up fantasy phone conversations between two highly educated and accomplished men is hardly telling the truth, and having them speak in your best attempt at some sort of ghetto street vernacular as if Obama is just some street thug putting on airs is just plain racist.

      -KW

      Delete
    8. @KW:

      "two highly educated and accomplished men"

      No doubt they're highly educated. It's their accomplishments that bother me.

      Delete
    9. bill ayers is now highly educated and accomplished. kw, you're just too damned honest for your own good.

      naidoo

      Delete
  4. Ironically, it was Bush, and his color-coded terrorist alerts used before the 2004 election, that used terrorism and fear for his own political gain. Bush turned the terrorists into a great political asset by amplifying the terrorist induced fear and using it to manipulate Americans. It’s no surprise that Bush gave up on the hunt for Osama, most probably because he was so useful as a living bogeyman.

    Obama’s association with a reformed radical pale in comparison to the crimes of George Bush.

    -KW

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    Replies
    1. I'm perfectly willing to consider the "crimes" of W. I'm not so sure I see it the way you do, but we should not be inappropriately deferential to our political employees (which is what a President is), and everything is fair game. You have to make your case about Bush, which you've failed to do.

      Obama's issues are independent of those of Bush. Association with terrorist bombers is not mitigated by the supposed perfidy of Bush. Lying about attacks on our consulate is a problem, irrespective of what Bush did.

      Why do you take Obama's very serious issues so lightly-- close association with terrorist bombers, bald-faced lies about the Benghazi attacks and the horrendous use of the criminal justice system to scapegoat a man who made an irrelevant video.

      Stay on topic.

      Delete
    2. Lying about attacks on our consulate is a problem, irrespective of what Bush did.

      Obama's "lying" is all in your imagination. But even if he did, exactly how was the situation changed as a result? Not only is it a baseless charge, it is a pointless one as well.

      Delete
    3. Crusader, that’s so refreshing compared to your usual rambling style.

      Too bad about Benghazi, if only the Republicans hadn’t forced deep cuts to the State department security budget.

      -KW

      Delete
    4. kw, can you please provide documentation for your assertions about the color-coded terrorist alerts being manipulated and republicans cutting state department security budgets? thanks.

      naidoo

      Delete
    5. Here you go naidoo, Why Google something when you can have somebody do it for you.

      http://swampland.time.com/2009/08/20/color-coded-con-job/

      -KW

      Delete
    6. and

      http://swampland.time.com/2009/08/20/color-coded-con-job/

      -KW

      Delete
    7. I meant this one

      http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/sep/27/benghazi-attack-followed-deep-cuts-in-state-depart/?page=all

      -KW

      Delete
    8. you posted the same link twice. maybe the threat level was raised just days before the 2004 election because osama bin laden released a tape just days before the election threatening states that failed to vote democratic, and because al-qaeda had bombed spain in march of that same year in a deliberate attempt to sway the election to the socialists. that's my theory.

      naidoo

      Delete
  5. After reading all the comments I am remembered of Mark 12:31:

    You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

    I try but fail often!

    Anybody here with a better track record?

    ReplyDelete