Saturday, November 19, 2011

An evil atheist explorer...

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ...
.. NOW you're screwed."


  1. Michael,

    Is this joke funny? Of course, it is. I laughed at it when I originally heard it 10 years ago, exept it was located on a South Pacific island and the bit about the 'evil atheist' you added yourself.

    If the explorer had been an atheist, he'd probably would be wondering why god has chosen to reveal himself for the first time for almost 2,000 years, probably more.

    Although god's actions would prove that he is definitely a sadist, and keeping to his old testament form.

    There aren't any original jokes anymore. The world's funniest joke according to a poll:

    Two men are out in the woods hunting. Suddenly one drops his rifle, clasps his chest and falls to the ground, not breathing. The other man whips out his cell phone and calls '911'. "I think my friend has had a heart attack, and I think he's dead". The operator answers "I can tell you what to do. First of all, you need to make sure he's dead". "OK, hang on a minute". The operator hears two shots. "OK, I'm sure he's dead. Now what do I do?"

    Apparently Spike Milligan used a version of it an episode of 'the Goon Show' in the '50s. If you haven't heard of 'the Goon Show' ask you grandparents.

  2. I see it's time for a Pope joke. Don't worry - no pedophiles in this one.

    The Pope dies and, of course, goes to heaven. Once there he’s told that he can do anything he wishes. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to read. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, “An ‘R’! They left out the ‘R’”.
    God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, “It’s the letter ‘R’… the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE.”

  3. An atheist enters a bar and orders four beers. After having emptied all four, he asks the bartender for another three beers. He empties these and orders another round of two beers. After having drunk those, he says to the bartender: “It’s funny, the less I drink the more I am drunk!”

  4. @anon:

    A atheist who is an anti-Catholic bigot complains to his dry-cleaner about his sheets. They keep putting too much starch in the hood.

    1. That would be funny except you seem to have forgotten that the KKK is a right-wing Christian organization.

      Jesus Saves the KKK

  5. An atheist walks in to a bar and orders a whisky.
    "Straight" asks the bartender.
    "No" says the atheist "I don't believe in wholly spirits"

    Maybe we should start a contest asking for the punchline for the following:

    An atheist walks in to a bar...

  6. I will lay out the first punchline:

    An atheist walks in to a bar and says: Ouch, that hurts!


  7. What, are you people in high school??


  8. "...wondering why god has chosen to reveal himself for the first time for almost 2,000 years, probably more."

    Thanks for demonstrating even more ignorance and denial than anyone thought anyone capable of - yet again.

    "... and keeping to his old testament form."

    Right. And you understand the OT.
    Now theres a really funny joke!

  9. While we're still laughing ...

    Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None they prefer the darkness.

    Oops that's not a joke.

  10. Q: Why wouldn't the atheist cross the road?

    A: They don't believe there's another side.

    Oops, sorry that's not a joke either.

  11. An atheist school teacher is always mocking belief in front of his class.
    One morning, in his usual bitchy mood, he asks his class of kids if anyone believes in God.

    The whole class lowers theirs heads, feeling the seething bitterness they've come to expect, and no one dares raise a hand.

    He repeats the question.

    One little girl raises her hand.

    So the teach laughs and says, "Ha! And just why are you a believer?"

    The kid nervously replies, "Well I guess because my parts are."

    The teacher replies sneering, "Ha ha, that's brilliant! So what would you be if your parents were idiots?!?!"

    The kid thinks for a minute, uncertain looking and feeling humiliated.

    Then suddenly her face lights up and she answers, "Well then I'd be an atheist."


    Or not.

  13. While we're still laughing ...

    Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None, they have faith that the bulb still works even when it doesn't. Also who are you to suggest that the bulb doesn't work? Why do you hate God?

    Oops that's not a joke.

  14. Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    Two smarmy-looking Mormons.

    Oh...must be saturday morning..

    Thats not a joke