(Dissociated Press) Global warming scientists today spoke out about the Mayan end-of-the-world prophecy. At a press conference in Copenhagen, senior climate scientist Dr. Mario Fester refuted the apocalyptic Mayan warnings.
"The world will not end on December 21, 2012." Dr. Fester intoned. "There is no scientific basis for this belief, which is basically just pagan religious hysteria"Dr. Fester explained that careful scientific research has refuted the apocalyptic Mayan claims.
"The world will still be here on Saturday morning, December 22, 2012. Don't worry." Fester smiled. "The Mayans didn't have advanced science to guide them."
"Unlike pagan religious hysterics, we climate scientists have determined that the world will actually end in November 2042, from rising of the seas and hurricanes and earthquakes and cataclysmic polar bear migrations caused by our car engines. We're not sure exactly what day in November the Global Warming Apocalypse will take place, but it is most likely in late November, around the 25th, probably about 10:30 in the morning. We'd like to be more precise, but our data is incomplete. "Fester noted the danger that civilization faces in listening to crazy pagans with apocalyptic delusions.
"You really have to be careful to take these apocalypses with a grain of salt. For thousands of years charlatans and nuts have predicted the immanent end of the world. As you can see, we're still here!"Fester continued:
"Climate science tells us that the world will end in 2042. The only way to avoid the end of the world is to give unprecedented funding and power to those of us who are pro-science and have the requisite expertise to save the world. Because the world will end if you don't do exactly what we say. You can take that to the bank." Fester smiled at the scientists and politicians and investors alongside him at the podium. "We certainly have".