[Dissociated Press] Gun control crusader Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced today that he is firing his heavily armed security detail. The New York City Mayor, who has made stricter gun control a hallmark issue during his intermedable tenure, shocked reporters at a noon press conference today.
"If little six year olds have to face gunmen in gun-free zones, I should too." said the dapper Mayor, a muscle twitching in his jaw. "Why should billionaire liberal politicians have heavily armed security in a gun-free zone, and little kids in school are left to fend for themselves against psychos."
Bloomberg unbuttoned his shirt, to reveal-- a Sponge Bob T-shirt, and no... bullet-proof vest!
"I stand with the kids. If Sponge Bob was enough for them, he's enough for me."
Other mega-rich liberal gun control activists, including 26 Hollywood stars and starlets, have announced that they have fired their personal armed security details, in solidarity with the forty million K-12 students in gun-free school zones.
Pro gun-control members of Congress have written to the Washington police demanding that all security officers in the Capitol and House and Senate Office Buildings be disarmed immediately.
"What kind of hypocrites would we be", said the politicians, "if we enjoyed the security of armed professionals while denying it to millions of defenseless schoolchildren".
"Let's face it", they continued, "if some mass shooter just killed twenty-six unarmed undefended congressmen, we certainly wouldn't be proposing laws making it harder to defend innocent victims of gun violence."