Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Obama: "We vow to prosecute Chechen terrorists, and offer them a two-state solution"

(Dissociated Press) President Obama announced today at a press conference that he intends to prosecute all the Chechen terrorists responsible for the Boston marathon bombing, and offer them the eastern half of the United States.

"We must not let this derail the peace process" the President intoned, pounding his fist softly on the podium. "The only path to peace in this conflict is compromise and mutual respect. Everyone-- especially Chechens-- has a right to self-determination."

The President insisted that the United States must abide by the same rules it lays out for its allies around the world.

"The road to peace with Chechnya is a long one, and we must not allow spontaneous man-caused disasters to derail our struggle for co-existence."

The President apologized to Chechens for the American settlements east of the Mississippi "which violate international law", and vowed to sit down at the negotiating table with the militants responsible for the Boston bombings.

The President has also promised not to allow the bombings to halt the billions of dollars in aid that the United States plans to send to Chechnya. "It's important the we keep the doors to peace open", the President said.


  1. Michael,

    Just when I think that it's impossible for you to plumb new depths of stupidity, you manage to do so, in yet another of your very unfunny moronic 'Dissociated Press' threads.

    'Dissociated' in that you're completely dissociated from reality or a sense of humour.

    You're just tedious in your obsessions.

  2. Looks like you’re is saying all Palestinians are terrorists and that peace with them is impossible. So what is it you want, perpetual war, or do you have a “final solution” in mind? Christianity would be a joke if it weren’t so inherently evil.


    1. It's strange that you don't consider them to be all "in league with terrorists," the way you think Live Action is.

      Except Live Action isn't in league with any terrorists. They're fighting the world's greatest terrorist organization (Planned Parenthood) with something as innocuous as a video camera.

      They've got more of those videos. Watch out.


    2. I certainly don't want endless war but I think that's what radical Muslims want. Scratch that, they have an end in mind--total world dominance. That's the end.

      It's only a question of whether we'll fight back. We haven't been very smart thus far in how we fight back.

      The war doesn't immediately end when we set down our arms. It continues with only one side fighting it: theirs.


  3. Bach,

    Each to his own. I found the satire on target. Not an exact analogue, but I can see where he is going with it.

    "Looks like you’re is saying all Palestinians are terrorists and that peace with them is impossible."
    Yeah, KW. Sure. Is that what the voice told you?

    "So what is it you want, perpetual war[?]"
    Like a Jihad in which the only goal is the conquest of the whole 'house of war', the 'Dar al Harb'? The type in which the only peace PERMITTED is a truce or Hudna with the infidel? The type in which one group is 'pushed into the sea'?
    Talk to the Muslim states fighting through proxy agents about that one.
    I think Mike's thing is about letting the ONLY first world country in the Middle East defend itself from that kind of thinking and not dividing it's already tiny holdings among it's enemies to appease them.

    "[...]or do you have a “final solution” in mind?"
    The final solution as a term paired with the subject (Israel & Palestine) is nakedly anti-Semitic and/or grossly ignorant.
    Which are you, KW?

    "Christianity would be a joke if it weren’t so inherently evil. "
    That is a joke, even if you are inherently THICK.