Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Suspect's D.C. neighbors shocked by gruesome revelations

"He always seemed to be so full of hope and change",
neighbors and former friends say. 

(Dissociated Press) As new revelations of felonies and unconstitutional abuse of power seem to emerge hourly, neighbors of Barry Sotelo express disbelief that their hero and former friend could be associated with shocking high crimes and misdemeanors.

Sotelo, 51, has been publicly charged with lying to 300 million Americans about overseas murders and then violating the Constitution by arresting a hapless scapegoat to protect his lie, illegally obtaining the phone records of journalists who tried to do their jobs and who refused to cover up terrorism in the run-up to an election, and systematically using the IRS to harass and silence his political opponents, all to secure his re-appointment to a job for which, it seems now, he was unfit to have in the first place.

Neighbors in the posh D.C. neighborhood gathered around Sotelo's home at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to express their grief and shock. 

"Just yesterday he waved at me" said Juanita Jones, 36, who lived ten blocks from Sotelo and who often saw him on television. "He was always smiling, and he seemed so friendly. We never imagined that he could subvert the Constitution and abuse power at such a level."

"Maybe we should have paid attention to his background" said Brenda Williams, Jones' neighbor and a former admirer of Sotelo. "We knew that he was from Chicago, and learned his trade from the worst political crooks in the nation. I mean, you're more likely to go to prison if you're elected governor in Illinois than if you commit murder in Illinois. Maybe we should have realized that if Sotelo never said or did anything about the corruption of his buddies, we never should have believed that he was gonna clean things up here."

David Brooks, a Sotelo fan and New York Times columnist who lived for a while under the suspect's chair, expressed shock. "His pants had such sharp creases", Brooks moaned. "I thought he was going to be really good at his job. He was so well tailored." Brooks noted that he had been to Tea Party rallies. "Not a single tea-bagger had an Armani suit, or even Berluti shoes. It was all discount shirts and spandex." Brooks looked wistfully at the Executive Mansion. "America's about Gucci and Brooks Brothers, not overalls and workboots. The Tea Partiers were so... Walmart. How could they have been right about Barry? How could we have been wrong?"

"He gave us so much, at first" sobbed Glenda Jiminez, fumbling with her scuffed Obamaphone. "He promised us new apps, and that we wouldn't have to pay our bills anymore. But I still don't have a job, and now my health insurance costs a lot more than it used to" she moaned.

Some neighbors were barely able to speak. "I've never seen anyone kill a fly like that." mumbled CNBC reporter John Harwood, the suspect's closest neighbor who, along with other journalists, live in Sotelo's pocket. "It was 'the most persistent fly I ever saw'. Sotelo was like a superhero, the One, a ninja predator drone all rolled into one. How could a man who can kill a fly like that be an unscrupulous political gangster?"

As this reporter interviewed shocked neighbors, Sotelo left his house in a caravan of limos and cars with flashing lights, on his way to a fundraiser in Hollywood, California.

"There he goes" said Mac Warner, an unemployed steelworker and former supporter of the suspect. "He's gonna to ask for money from the few people in the country who are just like him."

"How are the folks in Hollywood just like him?", this reporter asked.

Warner sighed. "They all go on television, smile a lot and look good and talk real nice, and pretend to be something they ain't."


  1. Best Dissociated Press story yet! Kudos!

  2. Adm. G Boggs, Glenbeckistan NavyMay 15, 2013 at 8:52 AM

    Nice work, Egnor. Hopefully, David "Crease" Brooks will finally be able to clean the shoe polish off his tongue.

    But it's not just the neighbors. I picked this up from Milbank's column in the WaPo:

    At the start of Tuesday’s briefing, the AP’s Jim Kuhnhenn pointed out that in all the controversies of the moment — the Benghazi “talking points,” the IRS targeting and the journalists’ phone records — “you have placed the burden of responsibility someplace else. . . . But it is the president’s administration.”

    President Lackwit pleads ignorance. Personally, I've thought that about him for quite some time.

  3. I imagine that some/many/most Obamatons must be experiencing cognitive dissonance at levels that are excruciating.

    But will any take the Red Pill and finally see Barry as he is: a war-mongering, civil-liberties-crushing, Wall-Street-puppet, and crony-capitalist? Alas, I suspect that only a very few....

    1. Yeah, the guy who won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize is Commander-in-Chief of a nation that is currently fighting 74 different wars.

    2. I thought Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for not being George W Bush... Most Nobel Peace Prizes aren't worth anything. I can't think of many that are deserved.

      In many respects, Obama has been a disappointment to liberals. As an Australian, I think that John McCain would have been a good president. But he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, giving me a lot of concern if he happened to fall off the perch in his first term. Sarah Palin would have been the worst person to become president since Gerald Ford. Or Harry Truman (the Democrats should have stuck with Henry Wallace in 1944).

      My prediction; the 'scandals' will blow over. Nothing will happen. I think my prediction has more chance of coming true than Egnor's prediction that Romney would win the 2012 election 53:47, instead of the actual reverse result.

    3. Not a fair comparison if you ask me. That Egnor was wrong was obvious to anyone who paid attention to the polls.