|"Safe-DWI is Good DWI":
Planned Intoxication's new logo for Safe-DWI programs in schools.
(Dissociated Press) In a major shift from away "abstinence only" teaching in high schools, the organization Planned Intoxication has rolled out a new program for teaching schoolchildren to drink and drive more responsibly.
"We can't stop kids from drinking and we can't stop kids from driving." said Margaret Singer, spokesperson for Planned Intoxication. "So the only responsible thing to do is to teach them to drink and drive responsibly".
Citing recent data from the Corpsemaker Institute, the research arm of Planned Intoxication, Singer pointed out that well-trained drunk drivers are 17.5% less likely to kill themselves or others in accidents.
Singer's new 'Safe-DWI" school curriculum includes instruction on opening pop-top beer cans while driving ("we supply soda cans and plastic steering wheels for the kids to practice"), instruction on using I-Phones to search for liquor stores while on interstate highways, tips on how to mix drinks and still control the motorcycle, and an instructional video entitled "Double-vision and the quadruple-yellow line-- How to steer when you have two roads in front of you".
"We believe that teaching kids not to drink and drive is as futile as teaching them not to have sex before marriage." Singer said, smiling. "Rutting and bingeing are what children do. It's no use saying no. They just have to learn to do it safely".
Planned Intoxication acknowledged inspiration for their rejection of abstinence-only drunk-driving education from Philip Morris' highly successful Safe Smoking program for middle school students, which has decreased the use of unfiltered cigarettes among 13 year-olds by 33.9%.
"The rejection of abstinence-only education on smoking has had an impact on smoking by children. They do it much more safely now", Singer noted.
Singer also notes that Planned Intoxication is rolling out new programs for safe piloting to be used by the major airlines.
The first installment will be an instructional video for commercial airline pilots entitled "Is That a Unicorn on my Rudder?-- Flying Commercial Airliners More Safely While on Hallucinogenic Drugs".
Singer added pointedly "We reject abstinence-only education in teaching children about sex. So why not reject abstinence-only education in other aspects of our lives as well?"