Saturday, November 3, 2012

In final week before election, Obama drags Osama bin Laden's body behind campaign bus through Ohio

(Dissociated Press) On a meandering tour of Ohio's country roads and city streets, the President has returned to the campaign trail for the last crucial week before the presidential election.

But this time, he brought a unexpected guest.

Osama bin Laden.

"We call it our "War on Man-Caused Disasters Tour", said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, gazing uncomfortably out the back window of the 12-ton specially made presidential bus as the body bag with the terror mastermind's corpse bounced and scuffed along the potholes of Ohio's bucolic Route 42.

Crowds of Ohio residents lined the roadside, watching in stunned silence.

The Administration has acknowledged ordering the legendary Seal Team 6 to conduct deep-sea manuvers in the North Arabian Sea, where the special forces commandos were able to exhume the remains of America's most wanted terrorist and most implacable foe.

On the bus, Administration officials were reserved but proud of their foreign policy accomplishments.

"Bin Laden's dead and General Motors is alive" said Vice President Joe Biden, who joined the President on the hulking Obama-Biden campaign bus, which was specially-made in Canada.

In the run-up to the election, the President has been touting his foreign policy accomplishments, which have included killing the Al Qaeda chief as well as neutralizing bin Laden and taking out the mastermind of the 9-11 attacks. In addition, Administration officials point out that the President authorized the raid that removed the terrorist responsible for killing 3000 Americans, as well as bringing to justice the instigator of the World Trade Center attacks and taking out the culprit responsible for the attack on the Pentagon and eliminating the mastermind of the hijacking of doomed Flight 93 over Pennsylvania.

"In addition, it's easy to forget that bin Laden's still dead!" noted Press Secretary Carney, who announced that the White House is proclaiming November 6th as "Osama bin Laden is Still Dead" Day. 


  1. I'm tellin' ya', you could be a humorist.

    1. ... but only if your only competitors were Puritans with very low IQs suffering from chronic piles.

  2. Only a Dem could have gotten bin Laden. Republicans liked having the boogie man around to scare voters.


    1. No, Republicans would have been crucified in the press for committing an act of war against Pakistan, and assassinating the man without trying to capture and try him.

      For some reason, Democrats only notice acts of war, torture, extrajudicial assassination, and unconstitutional detention policies when a Republican is behind them.

      Sort of like how Republicans only notice deficit spending when a Democrat is behind it.

  3. Made in Canada?
    I guess we can call it even then, as we call American cars 'domestic' in Canada and have had a 'buy domestic' movement going on up here since I was a lad.
    Ford in Oakville, Ontario was my maternal grandfathers LIFELONG employee... before he was laid off in the 90's.
    The domestic automotive industry has long been a partnership for our two nations. Generations of Mustangs and other famed domestics have been made here. I had an 88 that was made here (got the employees special) and my dad had a 79 same deal.
    Production here is UP this year.
    Why? Many say it's because our tax rates are lower.

    1. Indeed, Socialist Canada seems to be doing better than Murka these days.

    2. We have social safety nets - so do you.
      If that makes us 'socialist', you lot must be communists!
      We have lower taxes, less welfare (no food stamps for example), less police, less jails, less children in care, less single mothers on benefits, less tolerance for racial politics, more autonomy for our provinces (like your states, in case you skipped that class too!)and much less restrictions on private life (like religion).
      We are a OLD SCHOOL Liberal nation.
      What you folks now call libertarian, since the 'progressives' hijacked the term.
      Maybe there is an education crisis in the states after all!

    3. On the other hand, Canadian Human Rights Commission.

    4. crusader,

      It was sarcasm, in case you didn't detect it. I don't perceive Canada as a socialist country. Right-wing nuts do. See, e.g., this item at World Net Daily: The beginning of the end of socialist health care? There is much, much more at that venerable source if you care to search.

    5. JH,
      Conceded. We do have our issues here, and they are not small ones. But I do not see the CHRC as socialist, rather a kind of heavy handed means to control speech and expression. If you are aware of the commission, you must also be aware of how unpopular it is, even with mainstream political figures.
      Personally, I think the commission itself is a nice idea - but it requires much better oversight and reform to ensure that it is in fact a body designed to protect the people, not prosecute them.
      Unfortunately it has the same potential for harm as your ACLU.

    6. Maybe. I have more faith in the ACLU than I do in the CHRC. I hadn't realized the CHRC was so unpopular, but I shouldn't be surprised. Your point about Canada getting a bad rap is very well taken, in any case.

  4. There was no outcry when Saddam Hussein and his sons were killed under a Republican president.


    1. You weren't really paying attention at the time, were you?

    2. Perhaps it was drowned out by the hundreds of thousands of anti-war protesters who objected strenuously to Bush-led wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but stopped caring once a Democrat took office.

      Obama is pro-peace the way Gingrich is pro-marriage, but the American public (and the media) are generally more impressed with the narrative than with the reality.

    3. Oh, now! Don't give philanderers an bad name by associating them with Teh Won. The Newt does, at least, get married.